The Daily Dose: Shame Face
Today’s dose is brought to you by SHAME FACE. What the fuck is SHAME FACE you say…well thats what I’m gonna explain. Just bear with me.
It’ll help a whole lot though if I first inform those of you who don’t really know me, of just who I am. Well my name is Tehn, which is short for Tehn Diamond, which in turn is long for my parentally imposed name Tendai.
I’m a young black African male, who happens to be a musician, which for the most part means I get to travel the world a fair bit exposing the world to my talents. The most formidable of which being, that I have a way with words (IM A RAPPER) and a way with women (IM A SINGER TOO).
To be fair the only relevant info in the above paragraphs, as to what SHAME FACE is, are the facts that I’m black and that I travel a lot. The rest just felt fun to write.
Its because I’m black that I’ve only ever seen black SHAME FACES. But don’t be misled, they come in all shades, shapes and sizes. Cos’ I’ve been a few places in this world (thank u music), I’ve also been the “Token Black Guy” a whole heap of times. And again you can have “Token White Guys” too….its all relative. But see a black shame face, you gotta be black and to see a white shame face you gotta be white. Its just how it works.
Now when you’re the only one of your “kind” in any place, you tend to at first shy away from the “other people” then after a while you get stuck in. You mix it up, you try new shit…heck sometimes you even start to talk different. Some start to dress different, most start to enjoy different music. Which is awesome, life is for living and travelling is the most educational and beneficial way of doing so. Its great to go out there and learn new shit.
But then one day you’re wearing your slightly too tight jeans, pumping your fist at a steady four count to some AWESOME hard hitting techno, with your glowstick just glowing its merry little way along and ur somewhat paler than you but ultimately AWESOME new friends cheering you on….its pretty much the best night you’ve had out since u got to this strange new place 6months ago.
Then something unexpected happens. You go outside for a fag, cos thats what you call them now, and you see the first black guy you’ve seen in ages. Worse still HE sees YOU. And the face you make, while ur brain registers that you really should be wearing baggier jeans and smoking your cigarette outside a hip-hop club….
THAT ! THAT FACE RIGHT THERE ! THAT IS SHAME FACE !
And its priceless. I absolutely love seeing it.
In fact I saw one last night. I walked out on stage and there he was this Nigerian dude in the audience, well on the dancefloor dancing very unlike a black dude…and as soon as he saw me he made SHAME FACE. I actually laughed.
Meanwhile I’m the furthest thing from what you might call a typical African male, but the difference is I’m very comfortable with who I am and who’ve become over the years. So I no longer make SHAME FACES.
I just do me.
And the lesson here is to just be happy with who you are and the many influences around you that the world throws your way. Of course never forget your roots, but don’t let them tie you down. So what if you grew up on hip-hop but fell in love with Techno after your trip to Europe, its now a part of you…LIVE IT and LOVE IT.
Don’t try to revert back to who you think you should be, it just makes your face look all funky and confused.
SLMAO !
Peace,Love & game faces all round
TehN Diamond
The Daily Dose: The Ways of the Woo Pt.2
Before I even go any further, you need to read “The Ways of the Woo Pt.1″ to fully appreciate this post. Run along, go do it now. Those of us who are up to speed, will continue ahead without you.
CATCH UP !!
SLMAO…..okay I’m focused.
Last night was once again Ladies’ Night, I was the only dude on stage cos’ my partner-in-slime
WRONG !!
That shit ain’t fun at all. Say what you like about drunk guys, but drunken hot girls are just ridiculous. Take for example, the young lady who last week camped out the front of the stage ensuring I didn’t pay any attention to anyone else. What at first seemed really cute and kinda cool, kinda frightened me last night.
Well, cos I’m standing on stage and I look down and there she is crying. And its a known fact that no guy with even half a heart can stand to see a girl cry. So I proceeded to try and ask her friend beside what was wrong. This sisnt work too well, cos from the stage I’m mouthing questions in MY english and she’s mouthing answers in HERS. We got nowhere.
So after the set feeling concerned, I went and checked on her. She was cool. Her face lit up when she saw me and I suggested we take another photo for our growing collection, she loved this idea, its what her and I do together after all…we take photos ! Then it took a turn for the terrible, one sec its photo time next second I’m smiling and saying thank you to just little groups of people passing by who’d just watched the set.
Needless to say, I lost “front of the stage girl” in the crowd. So I just went and sat outside where the drunkest hot girl proceeded to pretty much eye-fuck me, strangely enough I felt violated and vulnerable. She mentioned how she had a boyfriend and was leaving for some place or another on Monday, then BAM…..she’s kissing her friend.
I laughed and went off after my number one fan, who at this stage is crying again. I really hate this though, I don’t really know her aside from taking photos and shaking her hand on stage but she’s crying because according to her friend I’m too popular.
I kinda didn’t know what to do or say from there. So I left it. Went inside and just typed out this blog. Why ? Cos’ I really didn’t know what to say. I try be nice to everyone and let them know how much I appreciate their support. But if I’d starting explaining myself…I feel like I woulda been crossing into “the bf/gf zone” with a fan.
In any case she emailed me last weeks photos and I just told her that I’m super grateful for her support and I hope she’s feeling better today.
ooooh….so “drunkest hot girl” who was meant to be home by like 1am ended up doing as most “Woo” do….hanging out the front of the stage kissing the hell outta her girlfriends, whilst being cheered on by just barely post adolescent single white males.
The night was weird.
Peace,Love & pubic hair…
Tehn Diamond
The Daily Dose: Strangers in the Night
So I dunno if I mentioned this already, but over the weekend I had my first vocal session with a coach in like three years or so. I’ve been meaning to get back into my singing properly for ages now, but the college years i.e. the binge drinking, the weed smoking and the fornication…kinda left me preoccupied, unfocused and on a different path. Add to that fact I was quite content to just be a rapper.
The tragedy here though, is that all my life I’ve been a singer. I’m one of those kids who grew up singing in the choir. I also wanted to sing the solo part but never got the chance, not until my last few years of high school. Up until then I’d always been a bass and luckily somehow became a tenor.
So anyway point is, I love singing, its always made my mom smile to hear me sing and its just always felt right for me. And I love hip-hop now, but I grew up on Sinatra…hip-hop only came later and only in the form of Jay-Z.
But I digress….
The lesson went well, I’m learning a technique called “Speech Level Singing” developed by Seth Riggs. Now if you don’t know he’s the dude who used to train MJ. In fact here’s a vid of one of their sessions over the phone. This just blew me away and inspired me to practice even harder. I mean if even the King of Pop had to put in the work, who the hell am I not to.
So since Sunday’s lesson, I’ve been doing my exercises and trying to find my full voice. So now instead of walking around mumbling bars everywhere I go…I’m singing melodies and loving it.
Last night after our first set, I went to stuff my face at Maccas…got me a Double Cheeseburger meal w/ BBQ and proceeded to munch. On my way out I was singing Ne-yo’s “So Sick” and kept getting mad at myself when I reached one of the higher bits in the melody and couldn’t make the transition sound smooth. I was getting down cos I was thinking to myself I’ll never sing good enough to truly amaze people. Then as I turned the corner, a middle-aged American couple stopped me. Well the lady stopped me, and she said….sing for me. I got all stupid shy, tryna think of what to sing and just as I was about to do a song I was more comfortable with vocally. She asked me to sing what I’d just been singing.
So I did. I sang it and in that moment in front of these two strangers, I made it through and it sounded smooth and felt right. The woman told me I’d made her night, thanked me and carried on with her husband.
Little did she know, they’d made my night. So today I woke up early and did my exercises knowing that if I stick to it, I too will have the power to amaze. Then its just goodluck tryna stop me to the haters !
Peace,Love & Melody
Tehn Diamond
P.S. Don’t for one second get it twisted though, I stil love words just as much and I’ll still rap like the good Lord sent me to steez on these heathens…but I’m also gonna sing my soul till the angels come around begging for an encore 
The Daily Dose: A Grown Up Kid
Apparently for a 24yr old I’m a little too serious about life. Which I kinda don’t think is true. I just get so caught up in tryna ensure that I actually make something of this huge crazy leap of faith adventure I sent myself on by jumping outta school and into music. For the most part though I’m extremely happy.
But when faced with the revelation that I’m a little too serious, my response was…
“Well, I have a career to worry about…”
Oh shit stop right there ! I sounded like one of the suits I so stubbornly refused to become. While I may be doing what I love and following my heart’s desires I guess I may be forgetting the reasons why I set out on this path as opposed to the other less exciting one.
So my mission, should I choose to accept it, is to at least once a week try to live like a child. Instead of worrying about the big things, I’m gonna set aside a time when I can just free-fall and enjoy the little things. I thought enjoying a bag of skittles was doing just that, but after the Monday I had I’m pretty certain that there’s other little things that deserve my smile too.
All this learnt thanks to a two hour rollerblading session along the ocean and through a park, wind blowing in my hair over my bald head and the sweat dripping down my balls. Freedom and unbridled fun. Plus it helps that I nearly fell but never actually got round to it.
So here’s a little something I found on a blog I like to check in on from time to time, by The Confidence Guy:
Kids have imaginations that create worlds.
Kids act silly even when times are tough.
Kids believe themselves to be indestructible.
Kids are always ready to laugh at the absurdity of life.
Kids act based on what’s important.
Kids throw themselves into each moment.
Kids will try something just because they can.
Kids will connect with people without judgement.
Kids believe in possibility.
Next week, water ski-ing…PERHAPS !
Peace,Love & everlasting adolescence…
Tehn Diamond
The Daily Dose: Searching for the “WHY” behind the “HOW”…to feel.
I’m a pretty moody and emotional person, and I only really know this because of the people I keep around me. I’ve always believed that we find out the most about ourselves through the people around. In fact Tyrese so far as to say that we are in fact the five people we spend the most time with….or something like that. So it goes without saying that I’m extremely grateful for these folks. The real task for me has been to learn who’s view or perception of me to trust. But then it occurred to me that while I might feel a range of emotions or feelings, in any give day, week or month…I don’t precisely always know what they mean.
I may be overthinking this but I think as a writer its important to know why I feel what I feel, more than just knowing how I feel.
Like, I know what anger (my personal favourite) is, I know sadness and I know happiness. But what do all these feelings really mean, how do I define them and actually know what they truly are to me. Or should I be more concerned with the actions that flow from these emotions. WIth that said, I’ve written some of my best verses outta anger. “I Had A Dream” for example was written in anger, and without shame you ought to know that once it was done with I cried.
But take for instance on Friday night, one of the most beautiful souls I’ve met out here in Singapore gave me a T-shirt she had made for me. It says “I Love Tehn Diamond” on it. In fact I gotta post a pic of it for y’all to see…
But I digress…
I loved the Tee. It was one of the best moments, just feeling appreciated. But when i received it by way of my partner-in-crime, Jackpott, my reaction in the moment was not what I guess was expected of me.
Jack was gushing with excitement, and thats him through and through, but I was…well I was silently grateful. I don’t know why. I just like to absorb things in my own way. Mind you that night I’d been very much “in my head”, a state of mine that I’ve come to learn tends to leave me open to judgement from others.
So as if on cue, one of the new artists said
“TehN quit acting like you ain’t flattered”
Instantly that one little statement pissed me off, cos’ she didn’t know the “why” of my reaction to the gift I’d received. Aside from that she doesn’t know me. So I guess it just felt unfair. Why must I express myself how YOU would ?! But thats the thing in this life, people so very often expect us to be as they are.
Admittedly, sometimes I succumb to the unspoken pressure to react or feel as others expect me to. But lately I’ve been comfortable just being how I am or at least who I wanna be. Calm and cool.
With all that said though I’m gonna go see if I can’t find a good book on human emotions and the psychology behind them. something interesting though and not too academic….any suggestions ?
Peace, Love & the freedom to feel free to feel.
TehN Diamond
The Daily Dose: Honesty
More and more I’m realising and embracing the value and wonder of this virtue. In fact not just honesty, but brutal honesty. Its really the only way forward, particularly if you wanna move forward without having to look back all the time. Not to say that I’ve lived life as a big fat liar, but its just that I feel and see more than ever how important the truth is. Not just the truth itself, but that the truth be allowed to live.
Especially in music !
I was tryna figure out today why I feel so strongly against certain songs and artists (and I won’t name names here…but if you follow me on Twitter you’ll have a rough idea who I’m mainly on about). Fair enough though, we’re each entitled to our own avenues of expression, but this doesn’t change the fact that I sincerely and with a blinding passion cannot stand music that reeks of LIES.
But the again, as with most things in this world, the truth is largely a matter of perspective. In that respect I guess its kinda important to at least know our own truth…but fuck there are some universal truths…or at least some logical ones. Like if you’ve been in the music game for ages, you’re stinking rich….but here we are expected to believe for one second that you’re still out on the corner selling wateva. C’mon now ! And if it is the truth….wow then you’re just a dummy.
I guess I really despise the lies cos I painstakingly struggled for the longest time to flesh out my own truth and deliver as honestly as possible, but still know that at some point this music has to make me a living. And even now when I sit down to write a track my first aim is to flesh out the truth, not just in the words but in the emotion.
So yea despite what i make it seem like there’s no ONE genre or artist I can’t stand, its really just that I hate being lied to.
Who does ?
And aside from music the truth works a treat with the ladies, so yeah fellas take note. Its alright to lay your cards on the table and just let a woman know the score. Trust me.
Peace,Love & an eggshell white G-Shock for Xmas…FOR ME !
TehN Diamond
The Daily Dose: Friend or Foe.
Thanks to the both amazing and beauifully insightful words of Paulo Coelho, I’ve come to the following conclusions. Both of which have brought peace (at least temporarily) to my soul, mainly with regards to what I wrote about yesterday.
He says
“…when the words seem meaningless. At such a moment, there is only one possible path to follow: KEEP PRACTISING.”
“Keep on, even if it all seems in vain”
And so practise, I will.
The second conclusion drawn from this uber-awesome book, is that the Creator (this has become the only word im comfortable and satisfied with using in reference to who you may call God or Allah or something else, its all the same….SUE ME !)
but i digress…..So yea the Creator places before us at any given point in time our enemies, haters or whatever u choose to label them for a reason…and that reason is for us to sharpen our swords (not real swords, metaphorical swords). And I quite like that. I’ve never been a massive fan of the whole “turn the other cheek” mantra. I’d much rather see my enemy as a challenge, not to be conquered or crushed or anything, but more so to be encountered and overcome. A chance to grow.
I think the hardest part though, with both these conclusions is that of recognition. Being aware enough of the world around me to know when its time to keep keeping on and also in knowing who my friends are, but more importantly who my foes are.
Peace,Love & more books to read please !
TehN Diamond
P.S. If you’ve never read anything by Paulo Coelho, so yourself a favour and rectify this situation. Most people think its all about “The Alchemist”, but the man has an immense wealth of great work to offer any mind in search of the life’s destiny and constanst growth.
The Daily Dose: Action !
I dunno whats wrong with me but for some reason, I’m just not being productive. The worst part is this time its not annoying me or absolutely frustrating me. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’d love to be writing or doing something but the fact is right now I’m not.
I’ll tell you what I am doing a lot of, SLEEPING ! And thats the bit thats really getting under my skin. I’m knocking out for like 10hours a day. 10 FUCKEN HOURS OF A WHOLE DAY !! I mean honestly, what fresh hell is this ?
And oddly enough its only been this way since I quit getting absolutely shit-faced drunk every night at the club. I’ve been a vision of health and clean living, aside from the fact that I can’t seem to quit lighting up cancer sticks….but I’m still trying. I’ve been working out regularly, eating well and often. So why the heck am I sleeping so much ?
And if its not 10 hours a day its 2hours every 48 hours….I gotta get my mind right. Lucky for me I honestly believe and trust that this all just a mind over matter thing….so i’ll just have to get it together and focus.
First things first, its time to write up a fresh action plan….no point complaining that I can’t get anything done when I’m not even sure what it is I want/need to get done.
Wish me luck.
Peace,Love & precise planning…
TehN Diamond
The Daily Dose: The Ways of the Woo
So every Wednesday is Ladies Night at The Arena, which is the venue I perform at out here….5 nights a week, 4 sets a night, I’ve been here like 6 months…..so do the math.
Anyway, its the dopest night ever. It goes by pretty quick and the crowd is easy to please. The ladies get free drinks all night and they pretty much just become “Woo Girls” by midnight….which is awesome. It makes my job simple.
1. Smile.
2. Sing.
3. Wave.
And then if all goes well take a bunch of photos in between sets and hand out cards so the lovely folk can find me online. Done and done.
But last night was particularly hilarious, this one young lady who’s been coming for like the past two weeks and doesn’t leave the front of the stage the whole night…damn near yanked me off the stage and pretty much scolded my by way of hand signals and stern looks, for smiling and waving at a “Woo Girl” to the right of her. It was hilarious, cos she was dead set serious.
Then afterwards, she waiting for me to come out and made sure I took another photo with her, cos last week’s photo didn’t come out right….RIGHT. The funniest bit was that she had 5 other friends and had obviously told them not to even think about tryna get a photo too. Cos’ they were just standing behind the photo-taker *?* and very much behaving.
In other words she was running things….Also and I only just realised this, cos she doesn’t really speak amazing English I pretty much just have to guess and interpret things for myself. For all I know she thinks we’re married. But its cool, music doesn’t really need explaining…
Ooh did I mention that I’ve been off the hard liquor for like three weeks now. I’m all about the water and I LOVE it. Head so clear. Thoughts so crisp. But I haven’t been writing. Sobriety seems to bring out the uber-sleepy in me. And yes, I’m hating it THE HECK !!
LOL.
Great night.
Peace,Love and a little more conversation…
TehN Diamond
The Daily Dose: Changes
Back to our regular scheduled programming…
Let me start by saying that beyond any shadow of a doubt, I hate change. But I love patterns. Mind you its impossible to make out the patterns in day to day life without first observing the changes. So I must compromise and just make peace with my feelings and change and accept that without it the patterns don’t present themselves.
Take for example the work I’m doing out here in Singapore. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting and living with some amazing individuals. Trouble is people are the most profound vessels and catalysts of change, I’d love to think that I stay the same, but that’d just be ignorant…..and I aboslutely abhor ignorance.
People come and go here all the time. First they’re who they think they need to be, then they slowly relax and settles in to who they actually are. I love watching this transition. In fact thats one of my favourite things I’ve learnt out here. To just sit and watch people reveal themselves. Its no secret I just don’t really talk to new people, I don’t like the “just got here” facade. Its borderline annoying.
But don’t get me wrong I love people. Just in certain doses. I guess thats selfish and damn near contradictory to the fact that I’m a musician and stuff, but I’m still just me.
Hold up….there’s a knock at my door.
.
.
.
.
Oh great, we’re doing Secret Santa…I really don’t like Christmas. Its not what it should but thats just a whole ‘nother post I guess. But I compromised and picked a name. Joy.
….moving on. I really can’t wait to be home. Just to reflect and really look at what I’m meant to take away from this whole experience. I already feel the changes in me, the growth in my artistry, my desire and passion to achieve and succeed has only intensified.
But for now. I wait and try to enjoy the changes.
Peace,Love & honest truths…the best kind.
TehN Diamond
